Coming Back To Life
by SomeoneElsesDream
Summary: sequel to Dancing In The Fire...Sam and Dean have a much needed talk R&R for Cookies!


**Title:** Coming Back To Life (sequel to Dancing In the Fire)  
**Author:** SomeoneElsesDream  
**Rating: **Uhh...rated T for tissues and tears  
**A/N:** Okay…I know I said it was a One Shot…but Sam and Dean decided to talk…stupid boys…grrr  
**Disclaimer:** All I own is debt . . . you can take that anytime you like. Oh…the summary is from Grey's Anatomy…don't sue. The song is Coming Back To Life by Pink Floyd  
**Summary: **Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

_**Where were you when I was burned and broken  
While the days slipped by from my window watching**_

Some times the monotony of their lives threatened to drive him insane, and sometimes the insanity of their lives threatened to drive him away.

They were driving down yet another highway, past yet another middle America town, with classic rock blaring out of the open windows, when Dean decided enough was enough.  
"Are we ever going to talk about it?" he asked, turning down the radio

"About what?" Sam replied, jerking out of his stupor, surprised at his brother's sudden candor

"Sammy…"

"What Dean?" he was baffled "I don't know what you're talking about"

Dean sighed, this is what he got for not wanting chick-flick moments. Repression. Taking the first turn off onto a backcountry road Dean pulled as far to the side as he could before cutting the engine.

"Is everything alright?" Sam asked, becoming concerned at his brother's behavior.

"Sam I know" his voice was soft, understanding

"About…"

"About the girls you take back to the motel when you know I'm not coming back"

_**And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless  
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me**_

Sam swallowed hard, looking out the window at anything but his brother.  
"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Goddamn it Sammy!" Dean yelled, slamming his fist against the steering wheel and making his brother jump. "You can't keep doing this. You're not built for it."

Sam stubbornly refused to answer, choosing instead to push out of the car and onto the road.

_**While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words  
Dying to believe in what you heard**_

Dean followed his brother, anger and concern coloring his words, making his tone sharper than intended  
"Talk to me man"

Sam spun around, pain and anger in his eyes  
"And say what Dean? What exactly do you want me to say?" Sam's chest heaved with the effort to contain the volatile emotions churning within  
"Do you want me to tell you that I am disgusted with myself? That I wish I knew another way to make it alright?"

Dean stood frozen, watching his baby brother come so completely apart. Whishing desperately that he hadn't put them on this road to begin with.

_**I was staring straight into the shining sun  
Lost in thought and lost in time**_

"I don't know how to feel anymore." He sobbed "I don't know how to do anything but feel anymore"

Dean didn't think Sam realized he was crying, felt the painful sting behind his own lashes and blinked to keep the tears at bay  
"I understand Sammy"

"Do you?" Sam replied incredulously "Do you really?"

When Dean hesitated for a moment, Sam pounced, driving home his point with brutal accuracy  
"I lost the love of my life. She was the only bright and beautiful thing I've ever had and I lost her."  
Sam was pacing now, gesturing violently to make his point  
"When Jess…when she died it's like all the lights went out. I'm living in darkness man."

"Sam" Dean whispered, his heart breaking for his brother

_**While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted  
Outside the rain fell dark and slow**_

"Sometimes it just…it's too hard. I know it's wrong but I just can't…"  
Sam collapsed against the side of the car, chest heaving as he cried out against the harshness of his life. Dean moved quickly to his brother's side, and seeing the need in his eyes, pulled Sam into his chest.

"Shhh. It's alright." He murmured into his brother's too long hair "I've got you now"

"I just want it to stop" Sam sobbed "Make it stop"

In that moment Dean would have cheerfully killed anything or anyone to make it stop, but life doesn't work that way.

_**While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime  
I took a heavenly ride through our silence  
I knew the moment had arrived  
For killing the past and coming back to life**_

Soon enough the tears subsided and Sam was calm once again. Moving out of his brother's loose embrace he heaved a sigh.  
"How do you do it?" Sam asked "How do you give yourself to them all the time and still have anything left?"

Dean ran a shaking hand through his hair, seeing for the first time how truly different he and his brother were.  
"I don't" he replied "If you give yourself away like that, there won't be anything left."

"How do you make it so impersonal?"

Sam had always asked the hard questions, even as a small child.

"Because I don't know how to do it any other way."

With that painful revelation, Dean climbed back into the car. Sam shook his head for a moment, marveling at the many facets of his brother.

_**I took a heavenly ride through our silence  
I knew the waiting had begun  
And headed straight into the shining sun**_

"Hey Dean"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to 'No chick-flick moments'?"

"Fuck off"

"Jerk"

"Bitch"


End file.
